Following Guaido, I Declare Myself Prime Minister Of Australia

Hear me, every citizen of this fine nation! The time has come for us to overthrow the disgusting neoliberal regime who has sought to suppress the right of every man and woman underneath the heel of imperialist capital.

Throw off the shackles of oppression that has seen us suffer at the hands of foreign entities for so long, now we commence the revolt of the century. Seeing now that it is entirely legitimate for opposition leaders to simply declare themselves leader, I see no reason not to advance myself as the sole ruler of this nation.

Of course, it sounds quite ludicrous, and if I was to do so with the backing of Russia I would be immediately called an undemocratic revolutionary attempting to instigate civil war. However, the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs has found it right and fit to involve Australia in the political situation in Venezuela, of all places. And predictably, the liberal conservatives and liberal progressives have unified in their support for the motion.

The situation of Venezuela could not be more remote to us. Not only have we placed the relations of our nation with the people and government of Venezuela in jeopardy, we have also stepped into a potentially sticky situation where we stand in opposition not only to the incumbent government, but also the multitude of nations that recognised the current government as the legitimate government.

At first one would call this pure stupidity, but the truth of course is that Australia is nothing but an American satellite, occupied by the traitor-class of politicians who sell out our country to the interests of foreign powers constantly. So naturally, when called upon to take token diplomatic positions by their handlers in Washington DC and New York City, they are quick to fulfil their duty.

The sickest irony is the scores of right-wing nationalists who have seen it right to condone these actions simply because it’s against some perceived internationalist foe. I’m sorry, but you can no longer call yourself nationalist if you abide by the idea of “nationalism for me, none for thee”. The struggle of national sovereignty is one that should be seen as legitimate for all peoples of all nations. We have no moral grounds to call for our own independence when we do not support the independence of others.

This is by no way a condoning of Marxism. This is, however, ardently anti-imperialist. If you’re nationalist, you should value national sovereignty wherever it be and be against all interventionist action across the globe. To support these kinds of motions from the Australian government is to tacitly support the American foreign policy agenda at play in Australia. The true nationalist and independent option is indifference.

But perhaps I should declare myself Prime Minister. Feel free to call me if you’re interested, Putin. It’s very legitimate so long I have foreign backing.

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